Sunday 11.00am
Wednesday 7.00pm
(childcare provided)
Overview
This passage artistically and metaphorically reveals a relationship that is deepening as it purposefully progresses towards marriage. In these verses, we gain significant insight into the purpose of dating from God’s perspective.
Who is eligible to date like this?
To be true to the context of this book, we must understand three factors in this couple’s relationship: (1) they have already established that they are mutually attracted to each other (1:1-11); (2) they have committed to an exclusive relationship at this stage ( in 2: 8 she refers to him as “my beloved” and in 2:10 she is to him “my love”); and, (3) they are in pursuit of marriage (3:6-11). Accordingly, the concept of dating in this section isn’t for those who aren’t decided in their attraction or in an exclusive relationship and especially isn’t for those who aren’t yet ready for marriage emotionally, spiritually and financially.
So what is the point?
A twofold purpose of dating follows in 2:14-15. First, we date so that we may draw out the real person in order to discern God’s will. Second, we date so that we may deal with problems in the developing relationship. Dating, like any art form, demands skill and discipline. It is always purposeful.
Warning! Danger Ahead!
As we move towards the conclusion of this passage, we see two threats emerge. In 2:16-17, the woman reveals her desire for immediate physical intimacy. Sexual expression before the commitment of marriage is destructive in that it always does one of two things. It either prolongs a bad relationship or stunts the growth of a good relationship. The second threat dating brings is revealed in the woman’s dream of 3:1-5. In her state of insecurity from being in a deepening but undetermined relationship, she longs to possess her lover in an unhealthy way.
Applications
1) Men: Am I leading my girlfriend courageously and purposefully? Am I willing to be rejected in my initiation? Am I drawing her out spiritually? Am I dealing with the problems that threaten our relationship?
2) Women: Am I uncompromised in my response to my boyfriend? Have I been honest in communicating my assessment of the relationship?
3) Dating Couples: Who have we recruited to help us fight against the temptation inherent in our relationship? To whom are we accountable?
4) Married Couples: Are we committed to dating in our relationship? When can we plan a weekly date?
Resources
The Book of Romance, What Solomon Says About Love, Sex and Intimacy, by Tommy Nelson
I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by Joshua Harris
Sermon by Pastor Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill Church, Seattle on Dating.
other teachings