City On A Hill - Sunday Gatherings

Porn is Bad

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 10:18:20 -0600

Pornography is a widespread epidemic that has exploded since the internet has come on the scene. Internet pornography sales are at $4.9 billion, which is more than the NFL, NBA, MLB, and NHL sales combined. Women are one of the fastest growing demographics of pornography consumers.

1 out of every 3 visitors to porn sites are women. Sadly adolescents are the fastest growing demographic. 90% of 8-16 year olds have viewed porn online (most while doing homework). Worst of all the church is not left unaffected.

47% of Christians say pornography is a problem in their homes.

Personally the affects of porn are egregious.
The laundry list of sins that porn fall into is long.
Here are just a few.
· Lust - Matthew 5:27-28
· Adultery - Matthew 5:27-28
· Idolatry - Romans 1:24-25
· Slavery - 1 Corinthians 6:12-13 & 18
· Physical Effects - Looking at porn releases the same endorphins that smiling does. It has been shown that these endorphins can be as addictive as heroin or cocaine. These leaves the persons mind a slave to their body.
· Covetousness - Exodus 20:17

The laundry list of the consequences are even longer.
Porn causes:
· Disconnection
· Distances
· Dehumanization
· Sleep Deprivation
· Unhealthy Expectations
· Depression
· Guilt
· Unrealistic Fantasies
· Steals

For the Christian there is a war within us as Christ has given us a new heart, but our flesh still desires to do evil.

Romans 7:13-25
13 Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. 14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. 15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Jesus Saves
But we are not left to the control of our sexual desires. God has saved us through His son Jesus Christ.

RADICAL - We are saved from porn by having a greater pleasure in Jesus.

John 14:15-21
15 “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.
18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 In that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. 21 Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”

We are not saved from porn by being holier, by putting up more barriers in our life, or by doing penance. We are only saved pouring our desires into Jesus, and we can't even do that in our own strength. Jesus says that He will send us the Holy Spirit who will increase our love for Him.

With this in mind we are called to:
Men
Pour all of your sexual desire towards Jesus.

Women
Find your personal worth in Jesus and not your image.

Couples
Husbands
Pour all of your sexual desire towards your wife and Jesus.

Wives
Be available for your husband to drink you up.

RELATIONAL - We are saved from porn by being connected to the people of God.

James 5:13-18
13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 17 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. 18 Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.

God brings healing to His people through community. James in this passage beautifully assumes that his audience is living in community with each other. Unfortunately the same can't be assumed of our people today. There is the thought that we are ok as long as we go to a church service once a week. We have a disconnection with the people of God.

At City on a Hill we desire for our people to be in deep relationships with each other so God can use us as instruments of healing for each other. We do this through our Neighborhoods. If you are not living in community with brothers and sister in Christ you are missing out on everything that God has available for you.

Parents
As parents we have a great responsibility to raise our children up with a greater desire for Jesus than for porn. Some of us are in denial about whether or not our kids are caught up in porn. Here are some warning signs from theporntalk.com to see if your kid is into porn.

Your child is spending large amounts of time online, especially at night. This is kind of a basic one but it is a clear warning sign. If they are spending a ton of time in chat rooms or instant messaging or surfing the web, this may not be a good thing. Your child turns the computer monitor off or quickly changes the screen on the monitor when you come into the room. If they try to hide what is on the screen then surely it is something that they don’t want you to see. Hmmm. Could it be porn? Good chance it might be. Your teen locks the door when working on the computer. Okay, let’s consider why the door might be locked. It’s probably not so you won’t catch them diligently studying for the Algebra quiz You catch your child lying about computer use. Honest dialogue happens when there is nothing to hide. Lies are told to you when your child feels like you may not approve of their actions. If your child is being dishonest about computer use you need to address this.

If your child becomes isolated or depressed and withdraws from normal family functions. If a child abandons typical things that would bring them joy and withdraws into the cyber world, this must be addressed. You find pornography on your child’s computer. This is sort of a no-brainer but many parents will try and dismiss this. If you find pornography or inappropriate material on the computer it’s time to talk. When you check sites your child has visited, they are all erased. Covering your tracks is a clear indicator that the actions online were not appropriate. The erasing of history is a serious indicator. Make sure that history is checked often and that there are no weird patterns.

Listen to how your child or teen talks about members of the opposite sex. Do they have a healthy point of view? Are they expressing respectful comments or do they talk about guys or girls in a purely physical and sexual way. Porn removes respect and distorts a healthy perspective on relationships.

Every parent needs to talk to their kid about porn. With 90% of 8-16 year olds having been exposed to porn, you child is not left untouched. If they haven't seen it, their friends have. Please check out theporntalk.com for more information on having a talk with your kid.

RELEVANT - We are saved from porn by preaching the gospel to those in its snare.

1 Corinthians 5:9-13
9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

We are called to be in the world and to preach the gospel to everyone no matter what their sin is. We can no longer look at those that are caught up in sexual sin as "untouchable." We must show them the light of Jesus Christ.

Questions:
· What things do you turn to find pleasure in other than Jesus?

Husbands:
· How are you striving to make your wife your standard of beauty?
· What things are stealing your sexual desires from your wife?

Wives:
· What ways do you make yourself available to recieve your husbands sexual desires?
· What ways can you encourage your husband to stay pure in a world that is flooded with sexual perversion?

· When was the last time that you were open about your sins and asked for prayer?
· What sins do you need to confess right now and ask prayer for?
· Who is it a righteous person that you can turn to for prayer?

· Who is God calling you to share His light with?
· Who do you consider untouchable by God?
· What areas of the world have you been hiding from by living in a Christian bubble?

Resources:
Death by Love - Mark Driscoll
theporntalk.com

Circumstantially Single

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 23:14:05 -0600

Overview
There are different types of single people. Some are single by conviction, believing that God has called them to devote their full energy to loving Him and serving others without the demands of marriage. There are those who are single because of circumstances...

John 4.1-26

Some have yet to meet the person of their dreams while others have and are suffering because those dreams have been shattered by divorce. Jesus has much to promise those who are circumstantially single through divorce.

A Woman, Some Water and Worship
In John 4, Jesus encounters a woman who has had no less than 5 husbands and is presently sleeping with a man who isn’t her husband. The conversation begins with a terse tone full of sarcasm but quickly goes deep as the subject transitions from water to worship. Jesus confronts the woman’s idolatry. She is seeking soul satisfaction from men instead of the God-Man, Jesus. Jesus offers Himself as “the gift of God” (verse 10) and the One who can make her “never thirsty forever” (verse 13).

A Satisfied Customer
This woman not only placed her faith in the outrageous claims of Jesus, she led others to do the same (verse 39). She was transformed from a societal outcast to a leader among her people through her brief encounter with Jesus.

A Promise, Then a Principle
Jesus promises to quench the thirst of our souls. He grants us a relationship so satisfying, we are freed from seeking what only He can give from a husband or a wife who can’t provide us what we were created for: worship.

So what does the bible offer those who have been divorced as God’s best? The answer is found I Corinthians 7:32-35. The circumstantially single previously married person is to find God’s best in worshipping Him from an undivided heart and freed to serve others without restraint.

Application Questions
1) Are you seeking to quench the thirst of your soul outside of Jesus? If so, with what?

2) If you are single, have you believed the lie that you will only be complete if married?

3) If you are divorced and single, will you pursue God’s best by remaining single? How can the community of faith (the church) serve you as a single person?

4) Are you, like the Samaritan woman, inviting others to find satisfaction in Jesus? With whom has God called you to share?

Resources
“Divorce and Remarriage: A Position Paper” by John Piper

Divorce and Remarriage: Four Christian Views, by Laney, Heth, Edgar and Richards.

Oneness

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 12:14:19 -0600

Overview
Jesus states the essence of marriage in Matthew 19:6, “they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Sounds ideal, but how do a man and woman live as one in everyday life? We get a detailed answer to this question in the 7th and 8th chapters of the Song of Solomon.

Song of Solomon 7:1-8:7

Sacred, Satisfying Sex
In Song of Solomon 7:1-10, we get a second view into the couple’s bedroom. Time has now passed since their honeymoon. Conflict has been encountered and overcome. Solomon, instead of undressing his wife top to bottom, now reverses his move, going from her feet to the top of her head. He affirms her body and her character throughout. We see her needs being met and his desires satisfied. Physical intimacy is developed.

Righteous Romance
In 7:11-13, Solomon’s wife requests a retreat with her man to explore the condition of their relationship and to give him more love. The couple discovers that their romance remains fresh and growing in springtime bloom.

An Awkward Statement
Solomon’s bride, in verses 1 through 4 of chapter 8, makes the statement that she wishes Solomon was her brother living in her home so that she could be with him physically. From our cultural perspective, her desire sounds perverted. But in her culture, she is merely stating that she wishes she could be more open in public in expressing her physical attraction for her man.

Oneness Achieved
In Song of Solomon 8:5-7, we see the couple emerge from the place of suffering and trial (the Wilderness) leaning on each other. Solomon’s wife requests that she be the seal on his heart (communicating that his heart belongs to her). In verse 6, we see that this strong love that culminates in two people belonging exclusively to each other in intimacy originates from God. In verse 7, we understand that this kind of love is greater in value than all wealth.

Application Questions
1) Is sexual intimacy a regular experience in your marriage?

2) Husband, does your lovemaking affirm the beauty and character of your wife?

3) Wife, does your lovemaking satisfy the desire of your husband?

4) Do you have a regular time set aside to be romantic together? Do you have a regularly scheduled date?

5) Do you see your love originating in God? Have you praised Him for his perfect gift to you in your spouse?

Resources
Sex, Romance and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know, by CJ and Carolyn Mahaney
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men, Shaunti Feldhahn

2 For Fighting (Part 2)

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 09:09:03 -0600

Overview
Within one verse of honeymoon bliss, we find Solomon and his new wife in conflict as she rebuffs his advances. Who says the bible doesn’t accurately reflect real life?

Song of Solomon 5:10-6:12

This conflict covers almost two entire chapters, 5 and 6, of this inspired poem.

Requirements for Reconciliation
Solomon’s wife recalls his traits in verses 10 through 16. Two characteristics are repeated frequently. Solomon is a man of great strength. Solomon uses his strength to sweetly nourish and build up his bride. We see emerging from this text roles that are understood and embraced. The husband lovingly leads the relationship from a place of spiritual strength. The woman responds to her husband’s leadership with respect (1 Peter 3:1-2,7).

Finally, as the two reconnect, Solomon unconditionally forgives his wife in chapter 6 verses 4 through 10. She is secure in the relationship, despite the strain of the offense. A reconciled relationship is based on unmerited forgiveness. In this expression, the marriage relationship mirrors the love and forgiveness Jesus extends to His people, the church (Ephesians 4:3 and Colossians 2:13-14).

Application Questions
1) Are you responding in love when you experience rejection from your spouse?

2) Are you repentant of your sin against your spouse? Does your repentance spring you into acts of reconciliation?

3) Are you a part of a community that will help you remember the covenant between you and your spouse?

4) Are you living in the role God has given you in marriage? Husband, are you using your strength to love, serve and build-up your wife? Wife, are you encouraging your husband by respecting him?

5) Is there any offense you have yet to forgive your spouse? Have you communicated your forgiveness to him/her for past offenses? Are there past offenses you need to stop bringing up in your relationship?

6) Read Revelation 3:20. Are you responsive to Jesus’ initiative of fellowship?

Resources
Love That Lasts: When a Marriage Meets Grace, by Gary and Betsy Ricucci, Chapter 6, “The Heart of Conflict”

John 14:15-31

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 11:56:01 -0600

Teaching on by John 14:15-31 Dusty Thompson of Reedemer Lubbock.

2 For Fighting (Part 1)

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 21:25:56 -0600

Overview
Within one verse of honeymoon bliss, we find Solomon and his new wife in conflict as she rebuffs his advances. Who says the bible doesn’t accurately reflect real life?

Song of Solomon 5:2-9

This conflict covers almost two entire chapters, 5 and 6, of this inspired poem. In 5:2-9, we see the basic elements of reconciliation revealed.

Requirements for Reconciliation
King Solomon responds to rejection in a loving way by living liquid myrrh on the latch to his wife’s bedchamber (verse 5). Romans 12:17-21 exhorts us not to be vengeful when injured, but instead to respond to evil with love. By doing this, we relinquish the role of changing our spouse and entrust that task to the one who does it best, the Holy Spirit.

Once Solomon’s bride is convicted of her wrong, she experiences a soul change that moves her to action (verses 6-8). She is unable to find him, is shamefully beaten by the watchmen and requests help from the daughters of Jerusalem. Her repentant heart moves her towards active reconciliation.

In verse 9, the daughters of Jerusalem seek to understand the motive of Solomon’s wife. They ask her reflective questions that will result in recounting the love she has for her husband. God has given us His covenant community (the local church) to challenge us in loving our spouses and checking in on the health of our marriages.

Application Questions
1) Are you responding in love when you experience rejection from your spouse?

2) Are you repentant of your sin against your spouse? Does your repentance spring you into acts of reconciliation?

3) Are you a part of a community that will help you remember the covenant between you and your spouse?

4) Read Revelation 3:20. Are you responsive to Jesus’ initiative of fellowship?

Resources
Love That Lasts: When a Marriage Meets Grace, by Gary and Betsy Ricucci, Chapter 6, “The Heart of Conflict”.

Sex and Glory

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 13:43:22 -0600

Song of Solomon 4:1-5:1

Overview
In the fourth chapter of the Song of Solomon, we our granted entrance into the bedroom of Solomon and his bride during their most intimate moments together. In this text we see the power of God’s gift of sexual passion and purity and their potential for His glory.

Applications
1) Are you enjoying the pleasure of sex in your marriage to the glory of God?

2) Are we as a community of faith living in the counter-cultural purity that Jesus brings to our lives?

3) Are we communicating in our words and actions the forgiveness and freedom Jesus offers to a culture that is both sexually shameful and unsatisfied?

Resources for Men
Sex, Romance and the Glory of God, by C.J. Mahaney

Resources for Women
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about The Inner Lives of Men, by Shaunti Feldhahn

Single and Satisfied

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 09:08:19 -0600

Overview
In the United States alone, there are approximately 90 million unmarried or single adults. The majority (60%) of these adults have never been married. The Apostle Paul, in his first letter to the church in Corinth, instructs single men and women to live satisfied in their devotion to God.

I Corinthians 7:25-40

Time is Short
In I Corinthians 7:25-31, Paul reminds his readers that time is short and their focus should be on things of eternal significance. According to Jesus, marriage is a temporal relationship that won’t continue in the eternal state (see Matthew 22:23-30). In light of eternity approaching, single adults should think twice about marriage as their unmarried state gives them freedom to pursue the things of eternal value.

A Pie-Shaped Devotion
In I Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul reveals to his readers that our affections are limited. If a person is married, he or she must devote energy and affection in pleasing his or her spouse. However, the single adult is free to have an undivided devotion for Jesus (verse 35).

The Happier Path
Paul concludes this discussion by affirming those who are called to a single lifestyle in good conscience. In verses 36 through 40, he claims those who choose to be single over marriage will “do even better” (verse 38) and be “happier” (verse 40).

Applications
1) If you are married, do you regularly include your single brothers and sisters in Christ in your family’s social plans? Whom can you include in your family life this week?

2) As a single person, are you living a simple life of devotion to Jesus and serving others? Are you in any way abusing your freedom selfishly?

3) As a single person, are you living in self-control in your relationships with the opposite sex? Have you been sexually inappropriate towards anyone? Have you been emotionally inappropriate towards anyone?

4) For married and single adults, are you satisfied in Jesus? Are you seeking the satisfaction from others that only Jesus can provide?

Resources
Stop Dating the Church: Fall in Love with the People of God, by Joshua Harris

“Single in Christ: A Name Better than Sons and Daughters” by John Piper

The Permanent Makeover

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 18:26:22 -0600

2 Peter 1:1-1

Guest Speaker, Pastor Eric Mason from Epiphany Fellowship.

Prelude to Marriage

Alfonso Barreiro — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 13:59:12 -0600

Song of Solomon 3:6-11

Overview
So how do you know when you are ready to get married?

Jesus plainly stated that a man “shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife” (Matthew 19:5). As we observe the wedding ceremony of Solomon and his bride in Song of Solomon 3:6-11, 5 prerequisites to marriage emerge.

Prerequisites to Marriage
The following characteristics of a couple ready to be married emerge from this text:

(1) Community confirmation of God’s leading (verse 6);
(2) The groom is strong enough to protect his bride (verses 7-8);
(3) The groom is secure enough to provide for his bride (verses 9-10);
(4) The couple has received parental blessing (verse 11); and,
(5) The groom is happy to commit himself to his bride (verse 11).

Applications
1) Are you prepared for marriage biblically? If not, what do you need to do as a couple to prepare yourselves?

2) Are their couples whom you can encourage with these truths? What do you need to say to them?

3) If you are married, are you living out these principals through the power of the gospel in your home? Where do you need to seek forgiveness?

Resources
Before You Say I Do, by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts.

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